My wish list for 2019


Well, It’s that time of year (which is a cliche in itself) when people create resolutions for improving some aspect of themselves or the world around them.
My turn.
My wishes for 2019, in no particular order, are;

– That during the month of January, everyone be required to join a “probationary gym” before joining a regular gym. This probationary gym membership is only good for 6 weeks, after which participants are free to progress on to a regular health club of their choice. This does 2 things.

First, in order to graduate to a regular gym, they must learn gym basics like

-Use the machine or move,

-Basic, BASIC correct form when using machines or free weights,

-You can’t “save” spots for the classes because you throw a towel on the floor,

-If you play music, USE HEADPHONES!.

-Please have taken a shower in the last, say, week.

-Also, sweat much..? TOWEL!

-Also, and I’’m surprised more gyms aren’t better at enforcing this. Gym shoes please! If you’re doing a yoga class, fine. But no flip flops or bare feet in the gym itself!

OK, that’s the first thing.
The second thing is, if you have to join a probationary gym, for 6 weeks, then you won’t be in my way, constantly, at my gym between Jan. 2 and Feb.15, by which time most of the “resolution babies” lose interest , put their brand new gym clothes back in the closet or the Goodwill donation center, and go away. Sounds harsh, huh. Well life is hard, sugarbutt.

– Food-wise, move on to the next fad. Get off gluten’s back. If I see another cauliflower pizza crust, I’m gonna puke.

– A change in the traffic laws. A bike is a bike. It’s not a car. Get out of the left turn lane with your semaphore signals and helmet rear view mirrors. You can’t accelerate or move as fast as a car. That’s just the truth. If you want to use the whole road, GET IN YOUR FREAKING CAR!

– Back on the subject of gyms / health clubs, a complete ban on cell phones. Unless you’re a cop , doctor or fireman. You’re just not that important. And the curl machine is not your office.

– Obstacle runs. Warrior or Spartan or Gladiator (sensing a pattern here..?) stop trying to outdo each other with the next unpleasantness. When I have to explain to others that “the electrical shocks aren’t really as bad as the ice water dunking”, they get a concerned look on their face. I’m waiting for;
– “The Leech Pool”
– “Mud or Manure?”
– “Stray dog petting”
You get my point.

– Very simple .It’s written in every…single…gym.
Replace your weights.
That’s it.
Replace your freaking weights.
It that so hard?

– This is a personal one. Like the others haven’t been, I know. But, as a runner, I like to acknowledge other runners. I’m going one way, you’re going the other. I smile, wave , or just give “the chin”. You know. Is it so difficult to return it? It’s not a race. I will even do that sort of stuff in a race, and LOVE it when I see others do it as well. But a race is competitive , so I get that. But when we’re just out running, in the park, on the trail, on the street, and you have this “1000 yard stare” going, like it’s the ‘Nam and you’ve been in the shit for 3 days. Then no, sorry, I don’t get it. We’re part of a really cool community, and encouraging others can make more of a difference than you know. Ladies, if you’re alone and I’m alone and we’re on a trail with no one around, you get a pass. Because, well, I look like I look. But otherwise, really? C’mon, be a person.

– Finally, and actually on a semi-serious note, that we choose to encourage people who are starting out. Whether it’s a gym membership, a diet, a running club, whatever. We all have a journey, and we all started at one point or another. I started out at 25, grossly overweight and not used to any physical activity , and I probably looked, frankly, ridiculous. Running around my block back in Ohio in my coat & hat and sweatpants. Kinda like the Michellin man, but not in any way as cute. An acquaintance whose house I would run past accused me of causing the cracks in his sidewalk. A kind word, or at least no unkind word, can work wonders. For all the folks who start a new program, diet, exercise plan, whatever..SOME of them make it. A word from you might be the difference. Alright now go out and enjoy your holiday season. And if you take one of these ideas , go out and make a million dollars, I want credit.
And half a million dollars.
Talk soon,

2 thoughts on “My wish list for 2019

  1. My gym wishlist:
    – Re-rack and return weights you jackasses.
    – Wipe your machine down after you finish. I don’t want to work out on your sweat.
    – GET OFF YOUR DAMN PHONE – I’m waiting for that machine you jackass.
    – Don’t make that really loud whooshing sound with your mouth when you’re on the treadmill next to me. It’s weird.
    – I’d like the gym staff to actually do their jobs and f-ing work. Like that “Team Clean” announcement I always hear – how about you actually do it. I have yet to see a staff member actually do their job.
    Thank you.


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