…in my opinion…

I have opinions.

Boy, do I have opinions.

I’m not sure if it’s just me. Maybe it is. But from the moment my eyes open in the morning til I turn out the light at night. No, that’s not right. Actually it’s until long after I turn out the light at night, because after I turn out the light there’s a 50/50 chance I’m going to glance at my iPhone and get sucked into Facebook / Instagram / Twitter world for a few minutes/hours. Or start pondering something that happened during the day. Or will be happening tomorrow. Or any one of countless other scenarios.

But you get what I mean.

I am constantly observing, pondering and, yes, judging what I see & hear. The design of my new humidifier, the light on the front of my iron, what possessed me to get the small iPhone 13 ( a major, major mistake, unless you want to be reminded of how large & clumsy your hands & fingers are on a daily basis).

Other top repeater subjects are;

Coffee– Coffee should taste like coffee. If you didn’t want coffee, why the hell did you order coffee. Just order a “butter brick caramel mocha decaffeinated frappe”. No flavored coffee. And for the sake of sweet suffering Jesus, no freaking flavored coffee creamers. When I worked in an office in the corporate world, I once went to get a cup of coffee and there were 4 flavors of coffee creamer. You know what wasn’t there? Just PLAIN CREAMER! We may or may not have had a discussion about that. Also, the concept of taking hot coffee, which is what I ordered, and what I want. Taking hot coffee and pouring cold milk or cream into it. Now do you know what you have? Lukewarm coffee. That’s what you have. It’s not HOT anymore. And hot was kinda what I was going for. That’s the genius of “cafe con leche” or “cafe latte”. Hot coffee + hot milk / cream = hot coffee. And is also the genius of CoffeeMate. The powder, not the liquid. Because guess what? People refrigerate the liquid and now we are back to lukewarm.

Cheesecake– Again, NO FLAVORS. I don’t want my cheesecake to taste like chocolate cake. If I wanted chocolate cake I would have ordered chocolate cake.

Strawberry cheesecake? no .

Praline cheesecake? No.

Chocolate Carmelicious Cheesecake Made with Snickers? Screw you. (btw, a real menu item at Cheesecake factory)

I want plain cheesecake, preferably my mother’s recipe or from Junior’s in Brooklyn. With a cup of coffee. Thank you.

Honorable mention to Cuban sandwiches (Cubano or Medianoche) No, not a “cuban-ish” sandwich. Not your fusion take on a Cubano. Ham, pork , swiss cheese, pickles and mustard on the right kind of bread, pressed in a panini press. OK?

So yeah, I have opinions. And that was both an example of my opinions and a huge digression & excuse to rant.

I think my spleen is empty now. For the moment.

Now, to the point of this particular missive.

If we have opinions, is it always right to share them?

Hmmm…. well. Here are the filters I try ( notice I said “try”) to put my opinions through before I let them emanate from my mouth hole.

  1. Is it true, or just my opinion? Am I sure of what I’m about to share, or is it just heresay, or something I picked up on the internet, or a vague memory I picked up along the way. I am bombarded with facts, sorta facts and outright bullshit on a day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute basis. Is what just occurred to me accurate, or am I about to stick my foot in my mouth, yet again?
  2. Is it going to help? Even if what I’m about to share is true, will it help in some way, shape or form? Just because a statement is true doesn’t mean it’s going to solve a problem or move things along in a positive way. I have a bad habit of saying things just because I know the answer. Well, sometimes the right answer at the wrong time doesn’t help. In fact, it can do just the opposite. Also, I have a bad habit of saying things that I think are clever or funny, and it turns out that they are funny to, well, just me. And once you’ve made a misstep in that direction, it can be a long, pain in the butt process to dig yourself out of that hole.
  3. Who is my audience? There is nothing quite so inflammatory as saying the right thing to the wrong crowd. I have about a dozen examples, taken from my own life, but repeating them here would be both embarrassing and maybe triggering to a whole new audience. So in the interest of not saying a dumb thing twice, I’ll leave this to your imagination.

So, what’s my point this week?

BTW, I know you’re actually not asking that question, cause I’ve actually kinda beat that particular horse long after it has expired. But, to summarize;

Sometimes the cleverest things are the things you DON”T say.

Check yourself before you wreck yourself.

A stitch in time saves nine.

I know. The last one doesn’t apply at all, but I figured while I was being trite…

Talk later,

Bob

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