As I was doin my grocery shopping today, I strayed down the Halloween aisle at the Krogers.

An entire aisle. Both sides. Crazy.

I got to thinking about going trick or treating back in the day. Which treats would make my night. Which would make me want to go back to that house later that night, with a roll of toilet paper. And yes, I said night, because we used to go trick or treating at night. By ourselves. From door to door. I’m not saying it was better or worse. Just a different world…

…but I digress…

So with a few days to go before Halloween, I thought I would rate Halloween candy. Not by size. We all know that a full size candy bar was the great white whale of Halloween trick or treating. Just your garden variety snack size candy, that most folks hand out.

Top 5.

Bottom 5

5 Maybes. You know, up for discussion.

So, to begin.

#5 Best– Milky Way / 3 Musketeers – If you unwrapped both, right now, and asked me to tell the difference, I don’t think I could. Milk chocolate & nougat. And the chocolate is thin. In general, I am a big fan of chocolate. But these are like the “tease” of chocolate bars. Like Pinot to Cab. Kind of a wanna be.

#5 Worst– Butterfingers- Again, chocolate coating, but what the heck is that crunchy stuff inside that totally sticks to your teeth? No, I don’t know what they are trying to do, but I don’t buy it. And “peanut-buttery”? Don’t even get me started…..

#5 Maybe– Smarties. I think they get old school and traditional points, but what are they trying to be? They’re not sour, kinda sweet, and the different colors all taste the same. Smarties were like a “player to be named later” in post trick or treat candy swapping.

#4 Best- M&Ms. When I’d get them I would be happy, but not Happy, if you know what I mean. They had the whole “melts in your mouth but not in your hand” thing. But hold them in your hand for more than a minute and you’d have a handfull of food color. The peanut butter are better, but that was a unicorn candy back in the day, seldom if ever seen.

#4 Worst– Good & Plenty. Like if the Marquis De Sade designed M&Ms. Hard shell, black licorice flavor inside.

#4 Maybe– Milk Duds. Milk chocolate outside, chewy stuff inside. Sticky enough to remove a filling if you didn’t watch out.

#3 Best– Snickers. Chocolate, nougat, peanuts. What else could you want? A snickers always seems more filling, like there’s just more there, no matter what the size.

#3 Worst- Candy Apple. This was one of those “at least it’s mostly fruit so it’s healthier” picks. News flash, Mr. & Mrs. Looking out for the Neighborhood kids. That’s not what Halloween is for. Wrapping an apple with caramel and sticking it on a spike is a quick way to a bad reputation.

#3 Maybe– Twizzlers. People like them. People hate them. Licorice purists despise them as “not real licorice”. But I know grown ups who still love them. I am truly on the fence.But they are a very social candy. People offer you one of theirs all the time. If you offer one, I’ll take it. But I probably won’t ask.

#2 Best– Kit Kat / Twix. I know, they are not the same. But I’m grouping the chocolate & cookie bars together. I’m a KitKat guy myself. And the dark chocolate KitKats? Hells yes. But back in the day, when there was only one kind of KitKat, they were always a welcome addition to my halloween bag.

#2 Worst– Candy Corn. I know, it’s seasonal. But they don’t taste like anything! Truly. You’d bite into the yellow part, then the orange, then the tiny white tip. ALL THE SAME! It’s sugar. It’s just sugar..

#2 Maybe– Tootsie Roll. Yeah, they’re fine. Yeah, it’s chocolatey. But as George Carlin once said. “Do you know what chocolatey means? It means no F%*^ing chocolate!!

#1 Best Reeses Cups- The Holy Grail of Halloween candy. Chocolate & peanut butter. No messing around, no chocolatey, no peanut butter flavored, no “our unique fusion” of anything. Chocolate & peanut butter. I’d trade half a bag of other stuff for a Reeses cup. Nowadays there are other derivations. Reeses sticks are the bomb. If they ever do a dark chocolate Reeses stick I will buy stock. But back in the day, Reeses cups. Man oh man…

#1 Worst- Pretzels. C’mon. And I don’t care. Pretzel sticks, mini pretzels, whatever form you choose. Dry, boring, tasteless. And we’re talking kids here. No, they don’t appreciate it. We didn’t then and they don’t today. Just give out those hard candies that your grandma had in a dish and offered you when you went there. Bad, but at least it’s candy.

#1 Maybe– Tie. Starburst & Whoppers. I never cared for Starburst but I know people that do. Fruity toffee, meh… Whoppers are another “faux chocolate”. You’d suck the chocolate off then the malted milk ball would dissolve in your mouth. An interesting science experiment, but overall a disappointing experience.

Ok, that’s my list. Feel free to offer your opinion. But in any case, enjoy your Halloween, whether you are dressing up, handing out or watching your favorite scary flicks.

Talk Later,

Bob